Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Rarer than a loon

There have been a couple of Husband sightings. I'm not hearing from him very often because of the no internet thing and the fact that his BlackBerry doesn't work now. But I have two sightings to report. The first was self-reported by Husband when he got to a post and they were going on a CLO trip and he tagged along. Someone actually came up to him and said, hey, didn't your wife write 365 Bad Days? Why yes, she did! And then MY fan asked to take a photo with Husband which I find hilarious. He better have a copy of that picture because I would really like to know what my fan looks like. I've been pretty sure all along that the reason I have so many hits is because my mother keeps clicking on the blog to see if there is anything new every five minutes. So a fan that is not my mother and not the children trying to see if they are mentioned in the blog is a rare thing, indeed. OK, there are also Caroline and Aretmis, but they are my friends so that doesn't really count. This was a real person who read my blog whom I've never met!

The next Husband sighting was by Husband's Nephew 1's wife. Got that? We'll call her "Lorde." Anyway, Lorde was on campus at our alma mater and saw a banner that has a 10 foot tall picture of Husband's face on it with a quote about how great the school is. Seriously, as if his head isn't big enough already from being adored by my fan! (My fan, Husband. My blog. My fan. And no, you can't go to Yemen to give me more inspiration. If anyone is getting a year away from The Dog, it is going to be me!) So now Husband is doubly famous from stealing all my fans and having his picture up at the university. My picture could be there, too! Except that my major doesn't have as much money as his on account of it not being in the business school and being the kind of major that prepares you for either more school or to say do you want fries with that? Or would you like a venti? So they don't have the kind of money necessary to put 10 feet tall photos of my face advertising their department. When I am rich and famous with more than around 5 people, maybe I will just make my own banner, except that I hate photos, so maybe it will just be of my shoes. Maybe by then I'll have enough money to buy these boots and I can put them on the banner:

Womens Old Gringo Widow Maker Boots Chocolate And Turquoise #L1414-4
And then I'll write a book which will be a best seller titled It Wouldn't Have Been 365 Bad Days if Husband Had Bought Me These Boots.

So I know you are all dying to know what happened with the Trunk or Treat since it happened while I was on TDY? It's been almost a month, so I will put you out of your misery--what happened is it didn't happen. Nope. Husband didn't come up with a theme, didn't decorate the car, and didn't even get the children there on time. They missed it. Completely. Yes, it was on a Friday night and started at 5:30 which is a horrible thing to do to working parents, and yes, Husband had an excuse that was something blah, blah, hugely important meeting blah blah sanctions blah boring blah. But the thing is, it was our last Trunk or Treat. Our last opportunity to win! And we didn't even show or place because we didn't show up. I'm still rather sad about it. I'm also terrified because Husband is now also in charge of the Christmas season and I am not all that confident that he will even get a tree, let alone decorate it to my standards. I'm going to have to try to arrange this all before I leave and I am running out of time. Child 1, when you see him tomorrow, make him promise to get a tree!

So in the interest of time, Solange Knowles' wedding dress is better than a brownie and might be the best wedding dress ever. Of all time! If you disagree, I will fight you and I will win. Her dress has a cape and Wonder Woman bracelets! It is awesome and I so very much wish that I could pull it off. And now I also wish that my wedding dress had a cape instead of a huge bow across my behind. Sigh. 90s fashion. Here you go. Bask in Queen Solange's powerful loveliness.

Solange Knowles


  1. I'm a fan who isn't your mother! That makes at least two, and I am certain there are many, many more.