Sunday, June 29, 2014

Only the Lonely

You know that video of that guy in the airport in Vegas where he's singing "All By Myself"? And he's dancing and no one is around? Well, I am living that in my house tonight. Everyone is in other rooms, all of them ignoring me and the fact that I want to watch Dirty Rotten Scoundrels which we finally got to work in a DVD player (because I can't find anywhere that streams it) and it is the funniest movie and no one will watch it with me. I even sent Child 1 a text and she came down for 10 seconds and left. Not even The Dog is in my room, which must be some kind of record. Or maybe it's a miracle. I can't decide. But she came in for a minute when I called her and then left. I showered this morning, so I don't think I smell.

People have asked me how The Dog is and my answer is the very same as she always has been. She is still stealing my shoes and still smells. She hasn't chewed anything up for a while, so that is at least good. But she has this really annoying habit still of always being underfoot. Seriously, she will stand right behind me while I'm cooking or washing dishes so that when I turn around, I trip over her. Someday she is going to break my ankle, which for me is surprisingly easy, and that will make me really, really mad because then I won't be able to wear these Franco Sarto sandals:

Yep. It's awards season again and I again was not nominated for anything. Apparently, I still have supervisors who don't believe in awards, unless you complain very loudly in every meeting about how much you don't like everyone and that Europeans get more vacation days. That gets you an award, but being very, very good at your job does not. So I got myself these sandals in lieu of an award. They are surprisingly comfortable and I think they make me close to 6 feet tall when I wear them. I love them. LOVE them. Husband asked if I had actually got an award would I have bought the sandals anyway. Probably. Because they are beautiful. And I think I have a shoe problem. Somebody asked me if I had a different pair of shoes for every outfit. I said maybe, but only because I own a LOT of clothes as well as shoes.

You know what is better than a brownie? This:

I believe that we will win!

Tuesday, June 24, 2014


I have turned into a zombie again. I know I must be one of the undead because a) my eyes are bloodshot, 2) I have sores all over my feet, and also I can't feel my face. OK, the face thing is because I went to the dentist again and I hate the dentist and apparently my metabolism is so slow that Novocaine lasts for hours. Seriously, six hours later I was still numb and they gave me 25% less than last time which was so much that I missed Child 3's music concert because zombies are not welcome in public and I didn't want to be a drooling monster getting stoned by the masses and disrupting everything. Yes, vain, I know, but really Child 3 took one look at my zombie drooling face and asked if I was certain I wanted to go and when I said no, could I stay home instead, she kissed me. Middle schoolers. Sigh.

The sores on my feet are because an evil mosquito ate my ankle last night. I am going to find that thing and kill her. I hate mosquitoes  I'm almost ready to buy a net for our bed, but Husband doesn't like them. He used to complain all the time in China, but the thing is that mosquitoes never eat him--they always bite me instead. I feel like if I am the victim, I should have a say in whether or not there is a net. And I have to say that aesthetically speaking, they are really kind of ugly. See, you think they will be all romantic and look like this.

But in reality, that is a terrible mosquito net because it doesn't cover the whole bed and there are gaps the stupid bugs will find and sneak in and there is nothing worse than a mosquito trapped inside your net. The ones that actually work look like this.

I think that is actually the brand we had in China, lace and all, only ours was pink which made it even more objectionable to Husband. Plus, if you have to get up in the middle of the night, you have to zip yourself out and then back in and if you leave it unzipped because you object to the net, your wife gets bitten and then doesn't speak to you because she has to go work on the visa line with mosquito bites on her face like she has some awful disease. You know. Just speaking hypothetically.

So anyway, for my war with the mosquito, I ordered one of these from Amazon.

In case you haven't seen these before, it is a battery operated mosquito killer that emits a small electric charge when you push a button. So you hold down the button, swat at the mosquito, and it fries to death with a very satisfying pop. I loved ours in China so, so very much that I brought a bunch to our next post in Asia and they have all disappeared. They are legal, now, in the US, so I ordered one and when it gets here, those mosquitoes had better watch out. I am on the warpath and I will not be stopped!

So you know what is better than a brownie? Having your child graduate from high school. Child 1 is all done. Finished with elementary and secondary school forever. I couldn't be prouder of her. Only two more to go!

Monday, June 2, 2014

Yeah. That is better.

So we have this white board to help with family communication which has my work number and Husband's desk number on it. It also has at various times said do your homework or don't forget to walk the dog and things Child 3 has borrowed without permission. But I was bored the other night, so I wrote the following.

Reasons you love your mother:

1. Chicken a' la King
2. Because otherwise your would be late for everything
3. Shoes

and the children added these.

4. Because she is awesome :-D
5. See narrative by Child 1
6. Because she is there.

I'm pretty certain that last one was from Child 3 who isn't all that thrilled with me tonight because I am making her do her homework. But still. I think they love me. Apparently, the seniors had to give their projects in front of an audience. Child 1 read her essay about how much she loves me and then played a guess where in the world I am game with photos from her childhood. So she puts up a photo and says where is this? And someone in the audience yells Hawaii! And she says Child 2, you are in the picture! You're not allowed to guess! Which Child 2 thought wasn't fair because Child 1 was giving Starbursts as prizes for guessing the right answer. Sometimes I so love Child 2. I love them all. Even when they are not doing their homework. Seriously, Child 3! Get off the computer!

You know what is not better than a brownie? Burning your house down because you are smoking with a cold.  

These are tissues. They are made of paper. Paper is flammable. If you smoke while blowing your nose, they might catch on fire, and if you then drop the burning tissue, it can burn down your house. Literally. Really, I shouldn't have to explain these things, but you never know. Child 2 might get ideas. She does love lighting napkins on fire.