I'm losing

I have lost my mouse. 100 years ago, that sentence would have meant something different, and probably 100 years it will mean something else altogether. But for right now, I'm sure you know exactly what I mean especially when I say it is cordless which means it could be anywhere in my bedroom or in the house because I picked it up and put it somewhere stupid like the kitchen or the bathroom or anywhere far away from my computer. So the losing has begun and if you know me well, which some of you whom I have never met probably do by now, then you know that what that means is I need a vacation.

You see, I am a Mom with a capital M which means I can always find everything unless someone else moves it which only happens occasionally in our house and never unless company is coming and Husband is in a panic. So I know where everything is because I know where it goes and usually I have put it there. So ask me where Child 3's ladybug socks are and I will tell you they are in the Forever 21 bag that they were put in at the store which I gave to her and told her to put the socks in her drawer but she didn't and instead dumped the bag on top of the white bookcase in the hall and they are still there. The mail key? In the drawer that it is always in. Child 2's algebra book? On the floor of the dining room, of course. But my mouse is nowhere to be found which means I am getting absent minded which means I am stressed which means I need a vacation soon--like yesterday. Unfortunately, because of the whole used all my leave picking Husband up from the airport when he was in Afghanistan problem, I'm not getting one unless you count federal holidays. Thankfully there is one of those next week. We'll see if that solves the whole losing things problem. I doubt it.

Tonight, I got that rarest of treats which was a whole evening chatting with one of my best friends on the couch about nothing and stuff. She and I have been in separate countries until just recently and it's been way too long since we got together. But the awesome thing about best friends is that when you finally do see each other, it's like you never were apart. She still gets me and I still completely know where she is coming from and that is a rare and beautiful thing. I am hopeful that there will be many more couch chats in the future, even though we have to get out our calendars to schedule them because we are way too busy.

This dress is also not better than a brownie.

I don't know what it is about Russian fashion week, but their designers have lost their minds. Birdcages are not accessories and a bird cannot be a bracelet. And worst of all, why would you create a dress that makes a runway model look like she has huge hips and thighs? That, my friends, is an outright crime and someone needs to arrest that designer. Pronto. And also turn him in to PETA because I'm pretty certain that bird is really unhappy.

Pie crust success

I made an awesome gluten-free pie crust tonight. In fact, the crust was so good that Child 2 said she liked it better than the pumpkin pie filling. So now that we have an awesome crust, we'll go back to the original filling and I think we have a winner! The crust is chopped almonds, brown sugar and butter. It's like having pumpkin streusel and I'm so happy I can't tell you because I was determined to have pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving which is coming up quicker than I would have thought. This is the pie.

So our purging exercise is off to a decent start. I got rid of a whole laundry basket of stuff. Now I just have about 100 more baskets to go. See, the idea is to have only a few things that can collect dust. So that means the books are mostly going and a lot of the clothes. But not the shoes. I can't get rid of any of my shoes just yet, partly because I am still wearing them. Maybe I'll find a pair or two to get rid of, but my navy Swiss dotted platforms that I bought when I didn't get an award are staying. Because I need them. Really. I will fight anyone who tries to take them from me. And I will win. I love those shoes.

This dress is not in any way close to being better than a brownie. On the scale of brownieness, if a brownie is a 10, then this shipwreck of a dress is a -99, and it is literally a wreck of a dress and I'm not sure what the stilts add to it. Or the mast. I mean really, why would you make a woman look like a schooner? So thank you, Russian design wrecker, for making very glad that I know the difference between a dress and a mode of transportation. I'm not certain that he does.

The perfect party

Here is how you host the perfect birthday party for 11 year old girls. First, you put Child 3 in charge of the invitations knowing that she is going to forget to include RSVP information even though you reminded her to. Then you make sure she forgets to give out the invitations until a couple of days before the party. Then when only two girls show up for the Spa Day, you have the perfect party because two eleven year olds plus the birthday girls means you can go out to Elevation Burger for lunch and everyone gets to have their nails done and it's not too loud or stressful. She had a ball, and then we went to get her ears pierced and she is one very happy girl.

I still have leftover bronchitis, but my lungs aren't burning any more. So I suppose that's progress. I missed Halloween completely because I took two different kinds of cold medicine at the same time which I think you are not supposed to do because I was out the entire day. Seriously. Not even awake enough to hand out candy. Child 2 gave out the candy and she did an awesome job wearing her cow girl costume and saying Happy Halloween Y'all. I love me some Texas Halloween. At least I think she did. I don't really remember. Somebody needs to monitor my cold medicine dosage because apparently I am not capable of not overdosing myself.

So anyone who knows me knows that I love ladybugs. I collect them. Not the actual insects, because that would be icky. But I have ladybug jewelry and pot holders and Christmas ornaments. Husband called the little girls ladybugs from when they were born, and I think they are adorable. We even made Child 3 be a ladybug for Halloween two years in a row when she was tiny. But having your house be invaded by real ladybugs would not be better than a brownie.

It would definitely be better than cockroaches, but as cute as they are, a swarm of them would still creep me out. Plus, given that I am allergic to everything, they would probably give me hives. Operation dust mite eradication is beginning. We have vowed to get rid of all the stuff we don't absolutely need in the hopes that there will be less dust and that I will stop getting sick. We'll see. I'm kind of excited about hardwood options, though. I'll keep you posted.

Again?

I'm sick. Again. This time it's bronchitis. Or laryngitis, or something with a sore throat itis. It's also Child 3's birthday, poor thing. Happy birthday, Sweetie! Maybe next year I'll feel better.

Biting the bullet

So I did it. I pulled the trigger and went to see the allergist. She is very nice, and I like her. But so far, we still don't know what is making me sick because I am allergic to everything. Yep. I had a reaction to every single thing they tested me for. Every. Single. One.

For those of you keeping track, that includes grass, weeds, trees, dust mites, mold, and cats. Oh, and also dogs. I am allergic to The Dog. Figures. And cockroaches, too, but Husband says that isn't a problem since I'll never get close enough to one to have a reaction. I am very good at running from cockroaches.

But never fear--we are not giving up The Dog. We just have to keep her away from me, which as you know will be really really hard because to The Dog, I am way better than a brownie. You know what is not better than a brownie? Waiting for the blood tests to come back with the food results. So we'll see. Given the results today, I'm not too hopeful that brownies are in my future.

Binge watching

I woke up this morning with a migraine. One of those stay in bed until the hammers stop days, so I took the medicine that makes me woozy and went back to bed for most of the day.

Then when the headache faded, Child 3 and I started catching up on some TV shows that we missed, specifically the first season of Once Upon a Time. It's a confusing show and we missed some episodes and then all last season was a black hole because of Afghanistan and we didn't watch much except TLC. So now we're catching up and the beautiful thing about Netflix and Amazon and subscription services that let you watch shows whenever you want is that you can binge watch them all in a row and you don't even have to wait for the next episode to come on. It's the best invention to ever happen to TV. So we're watching Snow White get framed for murder and it's a lot of fun. Even Child 2 is hooked. It's just too bad we all have to go to work and school tomorrow.

So now I'm going back to bed. Just so you know, frozen gluten-free pumpkin pie is not better than a brownie. Nor is it even as good as real pumpkin pie. I need to figure out the crust thing because the one we tried tonight just won't do.

We're winners!

Well, third place winners anyway. It was almost a disaster of an evening, but we pulled it out. We tore the house apart looking for all the red, white, and blue decorations I bought last July when they went on sale. But we never found them. I'm sure they are someplace stupid, like with the Christmas stuff and when we find them, we'll have an awesome 4th of July party next year. Or the year after. Or 10 years from now. I'm not certain when or if we will ever fund them. But as you can see, we still managed to pull off an awesome trunk and lots and lots of people were very impressed by the prickly pear, especially when I told them I made it myself.

You can see it in the background, along with Child 1's guitar (which was a brilliant touch of genius) and our Lone Ranger pumpkin, which I think was especially cute. And then some random cowgirl came and stood in the photo. OK, she's not random and she said I could post her picture because the other one has Child 1 in it and I know Child 1 won't ever let me put that up--ever. Anyway, that sculpture was awesome and I can't believe I actually conceived of the project and figured out how to make it and completed it and it looked so cool! I am an artist! And if you know me well, you are laughing because I am so not an artist and it took me hours and hours to cut out and paint the whole thing (with help from Child 2 and 3 whom I made watch hours of Say Yes to the Dress while painting) and then I stuck it all together (with a lot of help from Child 1) with tiny wooden dowels and it all went together and looked totally awesome and we all wore cowboy hats and boots and denim. And so we won third place!

First place went to the Disco family who were all dressed in very shiny clothing, and second went to the Mario Kart car which was really great, too. It was a fun night and we didn't even panic when playing our loud country music ran out the battery on the minivan and Child 1 had to give us a jump start with the cables I bought last spring because I needed a jump start then, too. I think it might be time for a new battery.

This toddler's costume that her dad made for her is way better than a brownie.

First, it's genius because there is no way you are going to get a toddler to carry a flashlight on Halloween, and this way, she is definitely visible in the dark. And second, she's not a princess and won't cry because you make her put a coat on over her costume so no one will see it. Child 3 is going to be a flapper this year and you can bet I'm making her wear a coat. Sorry Sweetie, it's going to be cold and rainy and I just can't risk you catching a cold. Also, if it's raining, the feather boa stays home.  Wet feathers are just sad and extremely unfashionable. Even on Halloween.