Thursday, November 7, 2013

I told you it was gone!

Today I found my mouse. Well, at least our amazing cleaning lady found it and nicely put it back by my computer. I wonder where it was. I'm betting the laundry basket. Or the refrigerator. But I have further proof that I have lost my mind--I ate macaroni salad at lunch.

I know some of you are wondering why I would want to kill myself, and the answer is I don't, but my food allergy results came back and I am allergic to. . . drum roll. . . nothing! Nope. Nada. Zip. Zero food allergies, except that they didn't test for chocolate, but I'm pretty sure about that one. So if I am not allergic to wheat, and I don't have Celiac (remember that came back negative last year) then it must all be in my head. Right? So nothing really bad could come from eating wheat. Right? So if the Hula Girl food truck is there and I am feeling like I would rather be in Hawaii and there is kalua pork plate lunch, well then why not have the macaroni salad with it because it won't kill me? Right? Wrong. After four bites of the most delicious macaroni salad outside of Hawaii, I started feeling nauseous. Then my friend "Evelyne" who was eating lunch with me, stopped mid sentence and asked if I was alright. I said why? And she said because you are all flushed and you look like you don't feel well. Then I started feeling cold and clammy and apparently lost all the color in my face, which is pale to begin with, and sweat was pouring down my neck. Kind of like this only with more mascara and smaller ears. My ears don't stick out.

Then Evelyne asked if I needed to go to the hospital and said maybe I should go lie down and then I told her I ate macaroni and she said I had better not ever eat it again.

So if I'm not allergic and I don't have celiac, then what I have is Non Celiac Gluten Intolerance which some people think is all in your head, except that I had an actual physical reaction, and a pretty bad one, so if it is all in my head, then I have done an excellent job of convincing the rest of my body to listen to my head, which for me usually doesn't work. I have been telling my body for years that I am actually six feet tall and skinny, but it never listened.

So my moment of insanity was only worth it in that I did taste the macaroni salad which was as delicious as I remember and I know I will never, ever eat it again. Ever. My stomach still hurts and I'm still nauseous 8 hours later. But on to happier thoughts.

Kate Middleton has gray hair and that is way better than a brownie.

She went out in public today showing a few roots which only proves that you can still be totally chic while showing a few grays and most importantly, she has more than I do! And also, that red coat is awesome.

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